Confidence

For a very long time, even though I had been doing it a while and got relatively comfortable with lap dances and customer interaction, stage performing freaked me out. On the outside, you would have no idea how nervous I was. When the DJ called my name that I would be 3 songs away, then 2, then 1...AHHH! I always got butterflies, and panicked behind the curtain til I was on. I looked cool as a cucumber, and did well. I just couldn't get over my nerves before the first song. After the first song I was fine, but the initial start up was scary and it happened constantly throughout my shift. I found my confidence when a beautiful Serbian dancer noticed my hands trembling behind the curtain as she was making her way offstage holding her top and tips inhand. She said "Do you always get this nervous?!" I said " Every time." She told me something that altered my whole way of thinking, and I use it in my daily life not solely in my dancing life. She replied, " You have to pretend that you are a superior being for the moment's sake. When you pass through those black curtains, you are a panther, that crowd is your prey, and you're gonna go out there and eat 'em up." Just the idea made me feel sexier, more devious and confident. Little bookstore nerd, transforming through black stage performance curtains to bare all and become the most majestic and sensual of predators, with a lust for pure attention and indulgence. I remember this when I wake up everyday, as a get dressed, and right before I take one deep breath to step out my front door. "You got this. You're a panther."